Confidence

I wish I had the soundtrack to 'The Sound of Music' so I could sing along with Julie Andrews to the song 'I Have Confidence In Me' where she's on her way to the Von Trapps to meet the seven children and she's swinging her guitar around and taking bus rides to get there through Vienna!

Having a baby plays havoc with your confidence in so many ways.

It take time to build your confidence up to the point where you think you're doing a good job.  So that you feel capable of getting out of the house with everything you need by a certain deadline.  That you will ever look remotely slim or lose the saggy tummy and fit into your old jeans!  (This one hit home after spending my birthday money on a new outfit in Next and trousers having to be a 16 to get over the saggy tummy bit.  My waist is back, but it's just the under tummy button bit which is still hanging about and I can't envisage how it will ever go back up to look normal without plastic surgery?!)

And yesterday I felt something of a bit of lack of confidence.  I know I'm sleep deprived and that makes everything feel worse but we'd been to Wales for the day to see my sister and my nephews and it had been a lovely sunny day where I had a nap and we ate cream cake in the garden.  I just felt a bit lost as we didn't get home till after 9.00pm and I think I realised that the routine I've put in place for Joel, is more for me so I have things to aim for to feel as though I'm doing ok and if he's down at this hour, then I've achieved something. 

Yesterday was the first day in a while I didn't have this and although I now realise it's probably a bit early to instill a strict routine, I still was rather stressed.

I need to give myself things to do and go to to help me feel that I can do things.  I've not done a lot by myself yet, circumstances haven't allowed me to, but I am relying heavily on my parents for help at the moment.  I need to try and do little things more on my own and I know it's still early days, but like I say, it's all about building my confidence that I can cope with this little chap!!

Still, here's a couple of pictures to round the post off:

Theo, Isaac and Baby Joel!

Joel in his car seat when we took a little stroll out in the sunshine:

Having watched some big vehicle chop down the grass for silage the boys got on their tractors to 'help'!