Every few weeks the regular 4am wake ups seem to get to me, and I need time to myself. As it's Sunday I'd gone to church to play in the worship group but got there and burst into tears with tiredness! So I came home and Steve went off to Church with Joel in the buggy and Izzy so I could have the house to myself. I miss Joel terribly but it is nice to have a few hours to hang out in bed and catch up with Desperate Housewives and do a little blogging. My next plan is to have a nap and catch up with sleep. I've had a cup of tea, a bit of a weep (tiredness does that to me) and I'm trying to formulate a plan to get him to sleep through again. I am thinking of offering water at the 4am wake up to see if that pacifies him to get back to sleep without milk, as he's not having milk from me in the morning at the moment, and it's becuase he's full from his 4am feed. I need to push him along a little bit but to be honest, I'm that dozy when I hear him cry I forget my plans and just offer him the boob as it means I'll probably get to sleep that bit faster.
I've looked on the babycentre forum and it seems Joel's sleep pattern is quite normal for a breast fed baby at 7 months old but it just feels like hard work at the moment for me. Steve works every day so it feels my job is looking after the baby, but to my mum it seems that she thinks I do it all and Steve doesn't help. Well, he doesn't at night, he is rubbish after hours and I'd worry about Joel being dropped or squished and I'm the one who wakes and hears him that Steve doesn't do so I'm awake anyway, whereas my Mum wouldn't hear me as a baby so my Dad was the one who got up and she thinks that's the way it ought to be!
Maybe I'm just feeling more sensitive as I'm tired. I know folk aren't judging me, but sometimes it just feels harder and that I worry more I'm doing things wrong. I guess they don't want me to be tired either and think suggesting formula is helpful. I know he should be sleeping through, he's on three meals a day and therefore doesn't 'need' a feed in the night, he's just used to it and that's when he's having his breakfast milk. A couple of times in the last fortnight he slept till 6.30, through so it can be done. I've got to me more resilient and write off a couple of days where I'm putting sleeping though into practise. I can't do the controlled crying. I'm not that way inclined so I've just got to pull myself together and see what I can do at 4am and water and cuddles it is. Lets see how this goes.
Now nap time.
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